Love

What is love? Such an undefinable word yet a lot of us spend out entire lives trying to answer this question whether aware of it or not.

Again I will start with a literal definition, thanks to dictionary.com. Love: 1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. Sexual passion or desire.

My therapist once said when I asked her how she does it all the time she replied, "It's easy, basically every single problem we face as humans is derived from love, more specifically so a need to be loved."

I took and let soak in and have found on numerous occasions that she is almost entirely correct in the matter.

I have been in love with a boy and I have been in love with a girl. I can't differentiate between the two except that the love was different because of how unique they each were. I spent 7 years chasing the feeling I had when I first met both of them, to finally let the girl go and to finally let the love I felt for the boy turn into a love of friendship. Still I yearned for that romantic "soulmate" feeling.

There are many different kinds of love as described by the definition above. There is love for family, there is love for friends, there is your first love and the people you have fallen in love with. All of which I believe can never die. My love for my family can never be broken no matter what trials we go thru. My love for friends is the same case and as for the people I have fallen in love with, the people I chose to love and tell them so, I, unlike other people also believe that never dies. All love, once felt resides somewhere in the heart. I speak metaphysically of course. I believe it is always with you, even tho I am now friends with that boy I spent 7 years pining over, there is the past me, the one that existed and the love existed too. Once something exists, you can't undo it, you can't take it away. You can pretend it never happened but that is just lying to yourself. Once in love, always in love, yet the form of love can change.

There is also the love of things such as literature, art, music or beauty which is covered under passion in the definition above. This is something innate in us, something that we have no control over, something that drives us forward each day ans the passion burns inside of us. This is easy for us to admit, my love is the love of beauty. I see it all around and it's the reason I get up everyday. I see it in the mountains, where the clouds are covering the point and dusk slowly settles upon them. The very mountains I am seeing outside the window of this coffee shop. I hear it in the laughter of the people inside here and I see it in every one of my friends and the beautiful moments we spend together. I see it in a strangers eye when I hold the door open for them and every stranger for that matter. This is why I get up, this is my motivation.

However, there is always an antagonistic point of view. There is a science behind love as there is with all things and this is where a little thing called faith comes into play. There is one side of the argument which you can't prove then there is the scientific side, which in this case unless electrodes were attatched to your head the very moment you fall in love, science can never prove their case. Which side you believe in is when faith is called into question and you choose to let faith or science guide you. This is the case for most metaphysical things in this world.

Psychologists have shown it takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you fancy someone.

Research has shown this has little to do with what is said, rather
55% is through body language
38% is the tone and speed of their voice
Only 7% is through what they say

The 3 stages of love:

Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in the States has proposed 3 stages of love – lust, attraction and attachment. Each stage might be driven by different hormones and chemicals.

Stage 1: Lust

This is the first stage of love and is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen – in both men and women.

Stage 2: Attraction

This is the amazing time when you are truly love-struck and can think of little else. Scientists think that three main neurotransmitters are involved in this stage; adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin.

Adrenaline: The initial stages of falling for someone activates your stress response, increasing your blood levels of adrenalin and cortisol. This has the charming effect that when you unexpectedly bump into your new love, you start to sweat, your heart races and your mouth goes dry.

Dopamine: Helen Fisher asked newly ‘love struck’ couples to have their brains examined and discovered they have high levels of the neurotransmitter dopamine. This chemical stimulates ‘desire and reward’ by triggering an intense rush of pleasure. It has the same effect on the brain as taking cocaine!

Fisher suggests “couples often show the signs of surging dopamine: increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention and exquisite delight in smallest details of this novel relationship” .

Serotonin: And finally, serotonin. One of love's most important chemicals that may explain why when you’re falling in love, your new lover keeps popping into your thoughts.

Does love change the way you think?
A landmark experiment in Pisa, Italy showed that early love (the attraction phase) really changes the way you think.

Dr Donatella Marazziti, a psychiatrist at the University of Pisa advertised for twenty couples who'd been madly in love for less than six months. She wanted to see if the brain mechanisms that cause you to constantly think about your lover, were related to the brain mechanisms of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

By analysing blood samples from the lovers, Dr Marazitti discovered that serotonin levels of new lovers were equivalent to the low serotonin levels of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder patients.

Love needs to be blind

Newly smitten lovers often idealise their partner, magnifying their virtues and explaining away their flaws says Ellen Berscheid, a leading researcher on the psychology of love.

New couples also exalt the relationship itself. “It's very common to think they have a relationship that's closer and more special than anyone else's”. Psychologists think we need this rose-tinted view. It makes us want to stay together to enter the next stage of love – attachment.

Stage 3: Attachment

Attachment is the bond that keeps couples together long enough for them to have and raise children. Scientists think there might be two major hormones involved in this feeling of attachment; oxytocin and vasopressin.

Oxytocin - The cuddle hormone: Oxytocin is a powerful hormone released by men and women during orgasm.

It probably deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.

Oxytocin also seems to help cement the strong bond between mum and baby and is released during childbirth. It is also responsible for a mum’s breast automatically releasing milk at the mere sight or sound of her young baby.

Diane Witt, assistant professor of psychology from New York has showed that if you block the natural release of oxytocin in sheep and rats, they reject their own young.

Conversely, injecting oxytocin into female rats who’ve never had sex, caused them to fawn over another female’s young, nuzzling the pups and protecting them as if they were their own.

Vasopressin: Vasopressin is another important hormone in the long-term commitment stage and is released after sex.

Vasopressin (also called anti-diuretic hormone) works with your kidneys to control thirst. Its potential role in long-term relationships was discovered when scientists looked at the prairie vole.

Prairie voles indulge in far more sex than is strictly necessary for the purposes of reproduction. They also – like humans - form fairly stable pair-bonds.

When male prairie voles were given a drug that suppresses the effect of vasopressin, the bond with their partner deteriorated immediately as they lost their devotion and failed to protect their partner from new suitors.

So you can think what you want about love you can be logical or you can believe and let it sweep you off your feet. I believe it is spiritual and a spiritual connection whether family, friends, pets, your passion, or the one you fall in love with. You can explain anything away with science and sure if we messed with human brain chemicals thats exactly what we are doing. Our brain does involuntary things such as making our heart beat and breathing but at the same time when you make the statement "I am me." The me is obvious that you are talking about your body and brain, but what makes you say "I" try to explain that. There is something else out there in this world, there is something else inside you and it works thru your body and brain. So all I ask is think about the "I" every once in awhile, and keep doing it until you live thru the "I" all the time. You will become spiritual, level, clear, stress free and an all around loving human being. I believe it is at that point when two people that have achieved the "I" state fall in love, or two people meet and they help complete the "I" in the other. Either way I believe in love, not scientifically, I believe in pure unadulterated love.

SO live, love and laugh more.

Jake

Questions? Comments? Email me at Hippie2012blogspot@hotmail.com